Relief and Thankfulness

Words cannot begin to describe the different emotions I have felt over the past 4 months. I've been happy, sad, nostalgic, fatigued, sick, hopeless, hopeful, content, stressed, etc., etc. (I guess I found a few words ;) ) However, the best emotion just hit me tonight - RELIEF!!! As of today, I have officially passed all 4 parts of the CPA exam! Everything I've worked for came down to one (actually 4) TINY (ha) test. After months of studying, stressing, worrying - I FINALLY AM DONE!!! So now, I'm a Master AND a CPA. I'm pretty excited :)

All to Him I owe- for the strength to make it through, the opportunity to further my education, and His guidance which lead me through even when I didn't know where I was going and felt as though I could not make it. Thank you Jesus.

Contentment

Recently I started reading a book about contentment. If you haven't read Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow, I strongly recommend it. I read through the first 3 chapters rather quickly, and I am now going back and reading them more in detail. The first chapter describes a "prescription for contentment" in which the following are mentioned:

• Never allow yourself to complain about anything - not even the weather.
• Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else.
• Never compare your lot with another's.
• Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.
• Never dwell on tomorrow- remember that tomorrow is God's, not ours.

Wow. What a concept, right? My first "wow factor" is the first word in each of the 5 "rules" - NEVER. When I was younger I was always taught "never say never," but I can't help but think how much more peaceful my days would be if I "never" did these things. Secondly, to never complain about anything - even the weather - is beyond me. Obviously this person does not live in the south- ha. What a challenge, what an awesome idea. Throughout grad school I've found myself finding more and more to complain about. This may sound weird, but it's almost like I've found it a challenge to be content, and found it easier to be discontented with my life. Generally when asked how my weekend was, I've responded with "not long enough" - how selfish can I be?

So here's my point: I'm encouraging myself to practice the prescription of contentment. Rather than focusing on the negatives, I'm going to look towards the positives. Instead of finding something wrong with my circumstances, I'm going to rejoice in the opportunity to learn from the circumstances. Contentment has nothing to do with circumstances or with people - but rather our outlook on it all.

Granny

Despite my efforts to sleep, I have a million thoughts running through my head. My Mom called today to tell me that my Granny is going to be placed in a nursing home. For the past few years she has lived with my Aunt and her family, but since her Alzheimer's disease has progressively gotten worse, it is necessary that she be placed in a more controlled environment. Mom and I think that she may like this better since she will be surrounded by more people her age, many of whom are going through the same things she is going through. Even still, it is difficult seeing someone you have looked up to your whole life go through something so life changing as Alzheimer's.

My grandmother has always been one of the most important people in my life. When I was little she always took me to church. My three cousins and I would accompany her to church every Sunday. We would sit on the pew and play Wheel of Fortune or Hangman until "big church" ended. She always had an endless supply of double-mint gum, and an unwavering patience for our loud "whispers." At the time we were too young to understand the sermons being preached, but looking forward to spending Sunday with her at church and growing up watching her faithfulness, made me long for a relationship with God - one like my Granny had with Him. I am saved by the grace of God, but Granny was His earthly way of showing me that there is more to life, and to truly experience love and grace, I needed Him.

Granny made sure each of her grandchildren felt special and loved by her. There were 5 of us which meant that we each got one night a week to spend the night with her - all by ourselves - and every other weekend we rotated between families. My night was Tuesday. I LOVED Tuesdays. Despite Granny's southern roots, she was not a cook. However, her "cooking" was my favorite. She introduced me to grape sandwiches, rice-a-roni spanish rice, tomato sandwiches, grilled cheeses, and fried cornbread. Dessert was usually milkshakes or blue-bell ice cream. She also made the sweetest tea imaginable - so sweet that if you left it out long enough sugar would settle in the bottom. Granny and I shared a special bond over television - All My Children to be exact. She would record it on VHS and then give them to me to watch. She thought most of what was on "modern" TV was trashy (Rosanne) so we watched Nick-at-Nite, which then consisted of I Love Lucy and Bewitched.

Granny lives out Galatians 5:22-23; "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." I can only remember once that she ever got mad at me- she was rarely easily angered and always patient. She was always content, joyful, peaceful and kind. When I was 8 I backed into her car with my Mom's truck. I was so upset I tried to run away from home. Granny told me that it wasn't a big deal, that it was only a car. Even though she couldn't open her back left door, she never fixed it and might as well have forgotten it happened.

Growing up means that things change; People change. While it saddens me that her brain doesn't remember all of the wonderful memories that I do, I know that my Granny is still there. She is still a role model to me, and some of my favorite childhood memories are with her. Her smile and witty remarks when I see her now still make me feel just as loved as her grilled cheese and milk-shake did when I was 13.

Procrastination

Here I am two weeks away from my fourth and final part of the CPA exam, and what do I decide to do? Format my blog. I started this blog over a year ago after discussing with Mary and Megan the upsides to blogging. I thought it would be a great way to keep up with everyone as we all went our separate ways after graduation. However, as things normally happen this way, I found myself immersed in school and the day-to-day happenings in my life were far from interesting. Now, after 9 months of a blogging hiatus, I'm giving the cyber-diary another try. My first attempt at "customizing" my blog is now complete, and I have wasted an hour of valuable study time :) Oh well, what else is new?

Keeping me guessing . . .

If you know me, and you should if you are reading this, you know that "blogging" is not my thing. However, thanks to my dear friend Mary Lawrence, I'm giving it a try. For the past few months I've been freaking out about growing up, making decisions, and life in general. Today, I discovered a song that has been on my ipod for some time now that I never listened to. The title is, you guessed it, "Keeping Me Guessing," by Francesca Battistelli, an awesome Christian singer I found while interning in Atlanta. These are a few of the lyrics to the song.

Slow me down, show me around
I wanna see the world that I’ve been without
I am here and now the future is out of my hands
I trust in you and how you move
I won’t forget that patience is a virtue
You’re teaching me to hang on tight

Cause I don’t know how the story ends
But I’ll be alright cause you own it
And I don’t know where the highway bends
But I’m doin just fine
Cause your in control
Even when I don’t know
Where my life’s gonna go
You’re keeping me guessing

Seasons come and seasons go
But you decide

This song really hit home because I love to be in control. I've struggled lately with being patient, and letting God take control of my life. I am the best at telling you that everything works out in the end, but I often have trouble letting my own life work itself out. I am not the one in control of my life, and if I was, I would hate to see how it worked out. Knowing that God has a plan for my life, and everything that is happening is happening for a reason, brings peace to my mind and joy to my life. I love it when God sends little reminders of His presence in our lives, and this song was such a blessing to me. I hope that you will listen to it, and let Him be in control of your life. It is an awesome feelings. So, if you ride in my car at all, plan to listen to this song a few times :)